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4.22.2007

Going to court. Judges Beko, Gandhi, Wilson, Jesus...

In this work phase - all pain, no reading, leasure and difficult prayer - it is enormously humbling and helpful to try to keep myself in their presence.

Of course I have a great tendency to feel sorry for myself. I also have a strong distaste and aversion to this. I'm not good at it yet. I don't yet have the objectivity, the self monitoring (Dave) to judge when to indulge the pain impulses, rest, for reasons of protecting my ability to Serve, and when to press on.

Bringing myself in my imagination in front of Beko or Jesus helps. Of course my pain and suffering can't begin to come into the same realm as theirs. Now it doesn't make it easy or successful. I still am very tempted, and do - self indulge. But I find some assitance and much hope and promise for new strength and otherisness in the approach.

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