From a note to a friend -
I remain in about as profound a crisis of 'who am I' as one can have - many, many, many weeks now - maybe as long as half a year. Not knowing who I am I can't know what I will do; and nor can anyone else count on me, yet. I haven't been 'Loving,' actually, in truth for much of that time - only saw that today. My Heart is so Dead with all the Evil in the world that my Loving has been obliterated. The world is so much more evil, lost, by orders of magnitude than I'd seen these recent decades - well, I thought I was on the Titanic with time to turn it; and now I see I'm on the Titanic AFTER it has hit the iceberg. They are very different worlds and I haven't yet found my Life in this post-iceberg Titanic. I am not berating myself - I do the best I can. But no one can at all count on me at this time. I'm very, very, very lost. Working, meditating, praying... to find myself, maybe making progress, but only time will tell. (((HUGS))) I'm not completely without hope of solving this, but it is pretty Dark right now. It does seem, that for the moment, I'll need to back away from the daily, intensive, near all day long look and republishing of the horror that I've been doing. I don't know what to do.
There are many wonderful and beautiful things in this world....look at them, read about them and celebrate them and you will feel better. Look up people like you who are working to make this a better world, an you will feel better. Remember that you are YOU, and only part of you is what you do, or succeed doing. If we identify ourselves by only what we accomplish, when we stop accomplishing that task, then we are lost. What you think, feel, notice, explore, enjoy is also you. Change your focus...and you will find yourself again. XXOO
ReplyDeleteCathy
:-) On the Titanic there were many beautiful things. After it hit the iceberg...
ReplyDeleteif one had family on the boat with them... things looked different. Some still
found meaningful lives in the time left, and led others to them, too. This is my
task now. That Titanic II is going down in Hellish generations now, not hours, changes things
somewhat. There are more to be concerned with, longer. And, maybe the
iceberg hasn't been fully hit, yet, tho by all objective measures, it has.
((HUGS))