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My most personal Thoughts: sloving
(Start Loving, the pka for James McGinley)

The most crucial posts: *****

Photo album: here

EFLIUS (Exploring For Life In US): here

5.04.2013

It is official - all vigil property thrown in dumpster - unrevoverable Hide Details

Official word from park police. No more or less deadly, than is cancer.  We do what we want to the poor.

To partially recover, survive Tuesday's rain, while waiting the weeks till I get a 2nd cancer opinion,
I've just on craig's list and elsewhere spent $250 - (sounds like a lot - it is equivalent to 70% of everything you own, 70% of your entire wealth.)

Rain gear, tarps, sleeping bag cover, portable computer power (can't do solar for a while), backpack
to cary EVERYTHING now...

If anyone want's to dontate funds, mine are hugely depleated now, tho from some of you, you're
more depleated than I, and I'd not accept anything from you.  You've already given all you have
to humanity.

Any donations that can be spared will be shared with my 5 homeless friends also raped now of all worldly posessions, including the homesless (s) vets with me.

***** (!!!!! PLS READ !!!!) 'FACT: TRUE, MIRACLE-WORKING ACTIVISM (HUMANITY, SANITY, DUTY, LOVING...) IS, EQUALS, IS... PAYING WITH ONE'S LIFE TO HELP OTHERS - BY ALL HISTORICAL FACT.' Loving

***** (!!!!!) 'FACT: TRUE, MIRACLE-WORKING ACTIVISM (HUMANITY, SANITY, DUTY, LOVING...) IS, EQUALS, IS... PAYING WITH ONE'S LIFE TO HELP OTHERS - BY ALL HISTORICAL FACT. BY ALL HISTORICAL MEASURE.

ALL 'WAR' IS THE EFFORT TO MAKE THE STATUS QUO IMPOSSIBLE TO CONTINUE, TO ENDURE.

HISTORICAL FACT - PAYING THE PRICE WITH ONE'S LIFE FOR WHAT IS RIGHT, JUST, GOOD... IT CANNOT BE RESISTED, WITHSTOOD, 'SURVIVED...,' WHEN IN SUFFICIENT PURITY, QUANTITY, INTENSITY, DURATION, FREQUENCY.

Women's suffragists....

Tunisian Self-immolator...

Vietnam Self-immolators...

Guantanamo Hunger Strikers...

Sowetto school kids...

MY CREATOR, CAN'T WE GET ON WITH PLANNING HOW TO STOP ECOCIDE????? 

JOIN ME IN EXPLICIT PLANNING, WON'T YOU???

Loving

5.03.2013

nd 'History's Miracle Workers are deemed such cuz their 'Vision' they act on like others act on Concrete Material Information.' Loving

nd 'History's Miracle Workers are deemed such cuz their 'Vision' they act on like others act on Concrete Material Information.' Loving

Loving's Cancer, Crisis - Update

No word yes on all belonging's from the vigil being cleared by police yesterday. Should know today.

Am now in the process, folks helping me, to schedule a cancer consult - 2nd opinion, at the elite Georgetown Cancer Center DC.  What I want is solid, actionable information.  Then I'll decide.

My biggest hurdle with DC is the restrictive Homeless Shelter Infirmary I'd be imprisoned in, in the most fertile 6 months left to Stop Ecocide.

MLK Jr. "A Person is not equipped to live unless.... they know what they would die for." ' "WOULD U DIE 2 STOP ECOCIDE?" I wish... I could carry, be, that message everywhere in the US that it needs to be seen, heard, considered. I believe there are, ARE, people that seeing it... would realize that for them, the answer is "YES," but no one is posing the question, that I see; or not enough are posing it, yet.' Loving


' "WOULD U DIE 2 STOP ECOCIDE?" I wish... I could carry, be, that message everywhere in the US that it needs to be seen, heard, considered.  I believe there are, ARE, people that seeing it... would realize that for them, the answer is "YES," but no one is posing the question, that I see; or not enough are posing it, yet.'  Loving

5.02.2013

Update - Personal Catastrophe

Sisters, few friends, that immediately reached out to me -
You have no reason to be concerned, any more than usual.  Tho I've given you reason
to think otherwise.  I'm quite a different person than I thought I was, and I'm glad. That
I'm not rattled, shaken, distressed - today's event, the equivalent of someone's total house fire,
is so insignificant in my life, in contrast to where my concern is - our next 200 billion kids.  Oh well.

I won't know till tomorrow regarding the stuff.  80% chance the city workers were sent
in to destroy the stuff of we subhuman, street riff-raff.  20% chance the feds have it, which would let us get it back.  Should know by noon. Each officer I've spoken to has been stunningly humane, courteous.  They just can't tell from their records what was done with our stuff. I'm advocating for all we homelessriff-raff.  Tomorrow morning thy officers should be able to get to the actual staff that was involved.

Doc Cardile, bless her heart, walked 6 blocks, her own time, to consult with me re
the cancer.  This last death fast, totally unforseen by me, has worked some things in the
direction of Miracle - please follow this deeply - slightly increasing the prospective value
of me surviving an extra year or two, if it turns out that is possible, and not too sinfully expensive.

I really want to get what I consider to be a really authoritative treatment plan, diagnosis,
and cost analysis to society, now.  Then, I can decide what Humanity needs me to do.

Doc Cardile is ordering a referral, 2nd opinion from her Alma Mater Georgetown U, that she
says is top drawer. Tomorrow I should find out how soon this can take place.  I'll keep you advised.

The next 6 months is, by orders of magnitude, the best 6 months we have left, to stop
Genocide, so that I remain massively productive is a top priority.

I think Doc Cardile understands this - I sure have done my part - the potential problem being
the homeless shelter infirmary that normally is quite restrictive on patients where I'd have to stay,here in DC.  I need to be able to fight, full strength, every second the treatment would not
cripple me.

To be far too open, I am massively drawn to what seems to be still an open offer from sister (non bio - best kind) in Boston, for me to go there, live with her in her efficiency, and get Boston's unbeatable, free, care.  But Boston sis, I know me - I'm as fun as a root canal, as interesting to have around as putrid sand.  I'm horrified by the prospect of detracting from your life for 6 to 8 months of treatment, tho I yearn for the freedom it would give me to keep fighting, unfettered, those days I wasn't debilitated by treatment - not knowing transportation costs, etc, I even fantasize of making some disturbance on the pivotal campuses there - Harvard, Boston U, MIT...

But I just don't think I can do it to you sis.  I agonize at the thought.

If they can't do a rapid consult with me at Georgetown..., hmmm.

Brian, recovering from a 30 day hunger strike just ended, still had the strength to send someone
down with a sleeping bag for me.  I'll sleep well.

Delbert, a simply profoundly nice guy, homeless, made a special run to get me dinner from the homeless truck, while I tried to make progress toward recovering the stuff, with police.

All my signs, stuff, are all gone, for now.  There is something opportune in my ability to demonstrate the truth that I don't depend on stuff, nor did Jesus, nor should any of us - by continuing the vigil, my presence, in front of the embassy, for now, with only my body, and an mp3 player - my Dell is finally ready to go in for 3 weeks repair.  I'll probably send in tomorrow. Ugh.  I'd rather part with a leg, or two.

SLEEP WELL. 

Know that I know you are, and were there for me, as I'm giving my Life, for Joy, to try and
be there for us all.

I'll keep you advised.

I don't even know the phone # of the only used 3 times in 4 months emergency cell I have.

For now, email will have to do.  Please be patient with me.

Any and all comments, corrections, are welcome from you.

Cash is not an immediate problem thanks to you few friends.  What I'd need depends on much I'll learn tomorrow, and in coming days.  MERCIFULLY, I did NOT lose the solar battery, it was at firehookcharging, and I did NOT lose the solar panels - Elaine still has those.

***** PERSONAL DISASTER: CITY DESTROYED, DISCARDED ENTIRE VIGIL. GONE. GONE. GONE. ALL OF IT (DETAIL). Loving'

***** PERSONAL DISASTER: CITY DESTROYED, DISCARDED ENTIRE VIGIL. GONE.  GONE. GONE. ALL OF IT (DETAIL). Loving

No more malicious, truly, than cancer, or our war on the indigenous that simply happen to to be in the way of our ecocidal progress, or 200,000 to 1 million Iraqi's that just happened to live over the oil we Americans wanted...

...on the last day I was likely to be way from the vigil for more than moments, in coming weeks, I was away this morning for hours longer than ever, readying to send the Dell in for 3 weeks of repairs.

I arrived to what has been a recurring possible nightmare - the city, presumably, came with their dump truck, cleared the vigil, and any other unwatched belongings on the street.

Coincidence, costly, devastating coincidence. Not malice.  Conditional Love, Conditional Family, Tribal Love... these are not malicious - and they are by far the greatest Killer on Earth.

$350 solar battery gone.

$150 rolling suitcase gone.

$150 bedding, gone.

$100 signs, gone.

$150 clothing, gone.

It is going to be a cold night tonight in front of the Canadian Embassy. Mid 40's and all I have is a sweatshirt.


***** (!!! LAST UPDATE 1PM EASTERN. !!!) WILL NO ONE DIE FOR A FUTURE??? 'I'm not yet asking your consultation....' Loving

 [[[ For Creation's sake,

1. pour deeply, and courageously through this dialog,

2. SHARE WITH ANYONE AND EVERYONE THAT YOU THINK SHOULD SEE IT,

3. HURRY. ]]]


{{{ SEE REPLY, AND REPLY, BELOW; AND NEW REPLY, REPLY BELOW}}}}

CRUCIAL DIALOG.  CRUCIAL TO HUMANITY - THIS IS THE CRUX. UNLESS THIS GET'S RESOLVED, ALL EFFORTS ARE A HORRIBLE WASTE.

-----------

I'm not yet asking your consultation....

But can I leave this fight to Stop Ecocide, can I leave this life, not knowing if
there is anyone, ANYONE, that isn't YEARNING to Pay the Full Price of their Life
to Stop Ecocide????

Now, the following is an unassailable Truth for me, based on my reading, study,
practice, common sense...




I'm not even asking you if you think the above is incorrect.

But there could come that time when I'll ask you:
*  Isn't the above OBVIOUSLY correct?

*  Do you know anyone that might be YEARNING to pay the price of their life if it could Stop Ecocide

*  HOW MIGHT I BEST FIND AND CONNECT WITH SUCH PEOPLE?

*  How could we begin to dialog, search, explore the When, Where, How, Who, How Many...???

*  How could the opportunity be spread?

*  How could we grow, together.

REPLY  ----

"[Loving],I know you're not asking this yet but I want to tell you that there are a lot of people putting themselves
at risk.  They might not be thinking--and most aren't--that their particular action that day will cost them their 
life, but they go into an action with great risk, great courage.  We know the press.  They dont know
everything or write everything.  There are people in other countries who never get covered on their actions. 
So it is a bit premature--and a bit arrogant, really--to think that you hold the goal post of all goal posts. 
There are lots of people showing moral courage and they give me hope.  Brian just did an action that
could have cost him his life.  Some of these kids in Texas are sitting in trees so high that one wrong
move could have sent them plummenting to their death.  The difference between you and them is that
they don't want to die and are risking but you WANT to die and are risking.  I dont know why you want to
die. Why you insist on others dying.  You will have to tell me one day....

REPLY -----

Oh, dearest, most admired friend, Warrior,

1.  OK, you've started it now.  AND I THANK YOU FOR THAT!  Tho, unless those emerge that
YEARN to explore this, I'll cease now. I'm sure of it.

2.  I think my sincere, thoughtful, passionate reply obligates you to consider what I've just said below, really carefully, as I think
you'll have to admit, from the following, that I've really deeply considered what you've just said,
and,

3.  Please don't let this continue to go personal.  I'm not attacking anyone with my original email below.  I'm not holding
myself up. I'm sure I'm not.  Do you really think so?  Really?  I want to die?  Wouldn't I
be dead by now if that were the case?  Who do I chase around and denegrate???  I don't!  I communicted
to a few trusted friends.  I'm attacked, rebuked for that?  Why???  (rhetorical.  Plse, let's move on.)

4.  Or not. Not because of this email, for which I'm immensely gratful, but due to years of experince
that activism is a matter of satisfying personal wants, within personal limits, and is NOT about winning,
in time, no matter what the cost.  If in this last efforts such as the igniting email here, I'm done. I'll
spend the rest if my time in trying to make lifeboats of information, example, history... for the Spirital
salvation of some of the survivors of the Hell our selfishness, our limits as to what this is worth to us,
are with absolute certainty - dooming.

5. I'm obviously upset, in the following.  That is not bad!  If one is not upset with what is at stake,
with zero chance of success so far... one is dead!  I'm not dead.  Yes, I'm hurt!  Who the frick cares?
Not me!!!! Bring it on!  (((HUGS)))

----

My interest is not in me, it is in SUFFICIENT Strategy, PLAN, APPROACH, NOW, IN TIME, NOT
WHEN IT IS TOO LATE, THE CLOCK RUN OUT, THE WAR LOST, CREATION LOST, ECOCIDE UNSTOPPABLE. 
My interest is NOT IN 'TRYING,' BUT IN ACTUALLY STOPPING ECOCIDE.  POSTERITY DOES NOT
NEED US TO TRY!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY NEED US TO SUCCEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  AND WE ARE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!
NOT BY ANY STRETCH OF THE IMAGINATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT COULD BE LESS PERSONAL THAN THAT??? 

I GET NO SATISFACTION, NO ABSOLUTION, NO 'CREDIT' FOR TRYING, AND I GIVE
NO CREDIT FOR 'TRYING (AND NOR DO I GO AROUND DENIGRATING OTHERS.  DO I???? THIS IS REALLY
UNFAIR TO TURN THIS PERSONAL ON ME.  INCORRECT. UNFAIR. WRONG.  ISN'T IT????) 

In fact what is so offensive
about me is that I refuse to make this personal, to me, or anyone showing any goodness on
this issue.  It isn't about me. It isn't about
how much I try, or how hard others try, per se, how much I or others pay, or don't pay;
per se - IT IS ABOUT ARE WE WINNING, IN TIME!!!! ISN'T THAT WHAT WE ALL SHOULD
BE OBSESSED WITH???!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

ARE WE IN THIS JUST TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT OURSELVES FOR TRYING???? IN TRUTH, NEAR ALL
EVIDENCE WOULD SAY YES!!!!!  AND THERE IS NO HOPE OF WINNING UNTIL THIS CHANGES.
IS THIS ALL ABOUT SELF-CENTERED GRATIFICATION THAT 'WELL, IT TRIED,' FOREVER????
IS IT ABOUT 'ACTING OUT' OUR RAGE????  THAT IS NOT WHAT POSTERITY NEEDS FROM US!!!!

FOR ME IT IS ABOUT - ARE WE STOPPING ECOCIDE, IN TIME!!!  AND THE ANSWER IS ABSOLUTELY,
TOTALLY, COMPLETELY, INARGUABLY  NO!!!!!!  WE ARE NOT.  NOT A PRAYER ON THE HORIZON.

SHOULDN'T ALL FOCUS ON THAT, WINNING, NOW, BEFORE IT IS UTTERLY TOO LATE?????

Another thing that makes me so offensive is that I refuse to disempower myself or others
of good will by blaming - the establishment, fossil industry, gov, pres - LARGELY BECAUSE
THAT DISEMPOWERS THE ONLY PLACE THAT HOPE RESIDES:

*  THE BAD GUYS ARE NOT GOING TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM.

*  ONLY THE GOOD GUYS, AMONG WHOM I TRY TO BELONG, HAVE ANY HOPE OF DOING IT.

To your questions, about the centrality of 'Death' in my thinking -

If one pays $1, it is more than 10 cents, less than $2.  That is really simple, and inarguable.

If one pays $10, but pays it $1 a month, it does not reach $10 until the 10th month,
but if they pay it all at once then it is immediately $10, and if the price of what
they want, they get their goal right away, instead of waiting 10 months, that might
be too late.

Women suffragists worked hard - that was in fact, paying a price.  Some went to jail.
That was in Fact paying, and registering as, paying a Higher price.  Some went
over and over.  Some endured, over and over, 3x a day force feeding, through the nose,
day after day, jailing after jailing.  Then Inez Miholland worked herself to death....
each was an acceration, increase... in PAYING THE PRICE THAT IT ULTIMATELY
WAS GOING TO TAKE TO GET WOMEN THE RIGHT TO VOTE.

The suffrage establishement was horrified at what Alice Paul and sisters were doing -
THEY DID NOT WANT SUCH TERRIBLE PRICE TO BE PAID - CUZ THEY DIDN'T
WANT TO FACE, AND BE PERSONALLY BE DRAWN IN.  Alice and her sister proceeded
anyway, drawing infinite rebuke - and accelerated Suffrage by months, years,
decades???? 

IF BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE, ONE WANTS AN OBJECTIVE, GOAL,
OUTCOME.., OR COMES TO WANT AN OBJECTIVE,
SO MUCH, THAT THEY WOULD PAY ANY PRICE, AND THE OTHER PERSON, EVEN
IF INFINITELY BETTER SKILLED, RESOURCED, WANTS TO PAY MUCH LESS... 
I'VE LEARNED TO BET ON THE ONE
THAT WOULD PAY ANY PRICE.  THEY MAY OR NOT HAVE TO PAY THE ULTIMATE PRICE-
BUT IF THEY HAVE REACHED THE POINT THAT THEY WANT SOMETHING THAT BAD, THAT THEY WOULD -
THEY PERSONALLY BECOME AN ULTIMATE FORCE, AND OFTEN, INFUSE THAT FORCE IN
OTHERS, IGNITE THEM, INSPIRE THEM, BRING THEM ON FIRE!!!!. 
FOR SUCH PEOPLE ONLY, THAT PAY, THAT OFFER, THAT JOYFULLY WOULD PAY,
THE ULTIMATE PRICE FOR A WORTHY GOAL...-
THE CREATOR, THE BLACK ROCK... COMES ON
THEIR SIDE!!!  ONLY THEN!!!!!! WHO CAN ARGUE THIS??? THIS IS NOT CLEVER ON MY PART!!!!

I've studied, rigorously, as you know, historical Unviolent Actions, for years, and I'm
just going through another immersion, and I experience going to a whole new level in
terms of Strategic insight - (why so slow????  Argh!)

You know, in the military, there are probably politics, jealosies, feelings get hurt,
people lose sight of the goal, winning, and focus on themselves, whatever, but when
someone is searching, in the pentagon, MI Complex, for a more powerful weapon, a better stragegy, a more
powerful, more accelerated way, A MORE CERTAIN SUCCESS... do they come under attack, suspicion, do they
'hurt' others in the effort?  Well, basically, NO.  IT IS THEIR JOB TO RELENTLESSLY
SEARCH FOR:

* CERTAINTY OF WIN,
* MORE FORCE,
* NEW INSIGHTS,
* NEW WAYS....  THIS IS WHAT THEY  ALWAYS DO!!!! 

BUT ALMOST NEVER IN 'ACTIVISM.'  AND WE WONDER WHY WE LOSE?!?!?!!?

DO YOU KNOW HOW TO STOP ECOCIDE IN TIME?  NO, YOU DO NOT!!!  Neither do I. 
AND NEITHER OF US KNOWS WHO DOES??? THAT BOTHERS ME.  SHOULDN'T
THAT BOTHER ME????????????????????????????????????????????????????  WHAT KIND
OF A CREATURE WOULD I BE IF I WERE NOT CONSTANTLY...

1. FACING THAT I DON'T KNOW HOW YET; I'M A FAILURE SO FAR; I'M NOT INFORMED
ENOUGH, TRYING HARD ENOUGH, PAY THE SUFFICIENT PRICE YET, IN THE RIGHT WAY,
AT THE RIGHT TIME...;

2. FACING THAT I SEE THIS DEADLY LACK... AS MY/OUR FAILING, BECAUSE THERE
ARE SO MANY ELEMENTS  TO STOP ECOCIDE ALREADY IN PLACE - THAT BY ALL HISTORICAL
MEASURE WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO STOP THIS.

Why my fascination with Death????  My Goodness, it is so simple.  DEATH IS THE ULTIMATE
PRICE!   THIS IS NO MORE ODD THAN TRUMP BEING FASCINATED WITH THE NEXT
$1 TRILLION!!!  OR THE PENTAGON BEING FASCINATED WITH THE NEXT GENERATION
BUNKER-BUSTER, OR NUC!!!!!

Why Donald Trump's fascination with $200 billion vs $100 billion???

***** !!!!!!  ******....

Every movement I study, each new one for me, all the others, were essentially a matter
of PAYING THE EVENTUALLY SUFFICIENT PRICE to ignite previously sleeping, dead, or oppositional Souls. 
AND AS SOON AS THE AWFUL PRICE WAS ULTIMATELY PAID, IT BECAME A PRICE
THAT COULD NOT BE WITHSTOOD.  THINGS, PEOPLE, COULD NOT RESIST CHANGING. THEY
COULDN'T STAND THE PRICE - ANY MORE!!!!!!!

It is almost straight math, STRAIGHT ACCOUNTING.  WHEN THE SUFFICIENT PRICE IS FINALLY 
PAID IN FULL, THAT THE ONLOOKERS, OTHER POTENTIAL FIGHTERS, AND EVEN OPPOSITION,
CAN NO LONGER BEAR - THE WIN HAPPENS, THE CHANGE HAPPENS!!!!! THIS IS WONDERFUL TO
UNDERSTAND, TO DISCOVER!!!!

THIS CLARITY FOR ME IS A MISSIVE BREAKTHRU IN RECENT WEEKS.
After enough times, days, weeks, years of women in the
suffrage movement paying un-bearable price - jailings, force feedings, beatings,
disgrace, ostracism, public ridicule, indignities - the onlookers, opposition,
Anti-aparthied, suffrage, civil rights, gay rights, gun control, stopping ecocide - it is basically
an Accounting Problem, and Price Problem.

And understanding that, seeing that now - I WANT TO UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:

1. WHAT IS THE SUFFICIENT PERSONAL PRICE - UNVIOLENT ACTION - VIOLENT ACTION LOOKS
TO EXACT THE PRICE FROM OTHERS - THE OPPOSITION.

2. WHEN DOES IT NEED TO BE PAID IN FULL BY - 2013.  If later, BEST CASE it is economic genocide
forever; more likely it is Ecocide, forever.

3.  What is the payment that can be IN FULL, fast enough? 

4.  How current, ongoing efforts (tree sitters, other efforts) be better added to become part of
the PAID IN FULL. HOW CAN THEY BE MODIFIED, ADDED TO, AMPLIFIED... THAT THEY
BECOME MORE FULL PAYMENT, FASTER.. IN TIME.....

And, I can't figure this out, in time, by myself, and if I could, which I can't, then I figure it out,
alone, and it, is, too, late. 

---------- REPLY --------------

Hey Loving, I am responding to this one statement you said:  "But can I leave this fight to Stop Ecocide, can I leave this life, not knowing if there is anyone, ANYONE, that isn't YEARNING to Pay the Full Price of their Life to Stop Ecocide????

Those words "YEARNING to Pay the Full Price" is a little troubling.   Yearning is wanting in my book.  And yep, I could be wrong but i think you have been wanting to die on your actions for a long time.

 Loving, I don't think there are a lot of people who are yearning to die.  I think our basic instincts are to live. You are going to have to look in some pretty dark places before you find people yearning to pay full price.  And I think even the military (remember, I was once in the Army as a medic) if they found a combatant yearning to pay the full price, they would pull that solider out.  My two cents and if that takes me off your warrior list then take me off.
--------- REPLY FROM LOVING (AND MLK JR) ----------
MLK Jr, mid 1950's, paraphrase:  'Now, you might not have much money, you might not have an education, you might not be able to read and write... BUT YOU HAVE THE CAPACITY TO DIE...."

YES, MY MOST RESPECTED, MOST ESTEEMED, MOST ADMIRED FRIEND  - ALL I HAVE TO PAY, IS MY LIFE - I HAVEN'T THE ARMAMENTS NECESSARY TO STOP ECOCIDE IN TIME, I HAVEN'T THE CONNECTIONS, I HAVEN'T THE CO-FIGHTERS, I HAVEN'T THE TIME, I HAVEN'T THE LEARNING, THE CHARISM, THE STATURE, THE PLATFORM.

THE ONLY THING I HAVE OF VALUE, THE COULD BE PART OF ENOUGH, IS MY LIFE.

YES, I YEARN TO SEE THE WAY THAT I CAN SPEND THE ONLY THING OF VALUE TO STOP GENOCIDE.

I'D FIND ANYTHING LESS IN MYSELF TO INSANITY, INHUMANITY, VIOLENCE, SICKNESS... STATUS QUO.
---------------
Huh?  There is nothing you can do to take yourself off that list. Your Life, your Being, puts you on.
But, as you've found before, it is NOT my intent to harass, or inflict pain for no reason.

Well, no question you are being honest but that doesn't mean you are being correct.

John Q was YEARNING for his Life to be enough to save his son.

Alice Paul was YEARNING that she could pay, could BE the price of suffrage.  Inez Milholland DID,
WILLINGLY, pay the price of her life, BY CHOICE.  This is all obvious.  She, at every breath,
paid the maximum she could pay.  Was her goal to pay????  Her goal was to secure suffrage.

Diane Wilson paid what to near all was the price of her life - her boat.  That SHE might
say different does not mean that the masses said she was crazy to WANT to pay
such a price, to WANT THAT TO BE ENOUGH TO SAVE HER BAY, AND BAY FAMILY.

Yes, if I am to remain isolated, if there is to be no dialog, anywhere, worthy of
the future, and it is on the basis of what I'm asserting, I can and will rest at peace with that.

Yes, IF THERE IS NO ONE YEARNING, as there ABSOLUTELY seems not to be, THAT THE MAXIMUM
THEY HAVE TO PAY, THEIR LIFE, IN WHAT OBVIOUSLY WILL COST A TERRIBLE PRICE, if there is no
one YEARNING THAT THE MAXIMUM THEY CAN PAY,
THEIR LIFE, - WILL BE ENOUGH TO WORK THE MIRACLE, if that is the
basis for my isolation, the non-existance of REMOTELY serious dialog to stop ecocide, well,
that's pretty much what I've concluded, BECOME CLEAR AND CERTAIN ON, and the reason
I even considered one last probe to find out. 

Well, I've put the probe out there, and if it draws no YEARNERS TO BE THE SUFFIENT
PRICE OF A HUMAN FUTURE, we're done, the future is done.  And this is what I suspect
is true.

NOTHING IMPORTANT IN HUMAN HISTORY HAS COME FROM FOLKS THAT PLACED THEIR
PULSE AT HIGHEST VALUE.

EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING IMPORTANT IN HUMAN HISTORY HAS COME EXACTLY FROM THOSE THAT
PLACED SOMETHING(S) AT HIGHER VALUE THAN THEIR PULSE, THEIR AVATAR.  THIS
CANNOT BE DISPUTED, BUT IT IS ALWAYS DISPUTED.  "THAT THEIR 'WORDS' DID
NOT STATE IT AS 'YEARNING TO BUY THE FUTURE WITH THEIR LIFE" IS A TRIVIALITY.

"Alice Paul just wants to be a Martyr!!!" THIS WAS SLANDERED OVER AND OVER ABOUT
HER, MOSTLY FROM WHO SHOULD HAVE BEEN HER ALLIES. 
No, Alice Paul just wanted suffrage, AND THAT SHE HAD THE PRICE TO PAY FOR IT, NOW,
regardless of what everyone said, especially those that should have been her
closest allies. 

NOTHING GREAT IS PURCHASED...

1.  AT LESS THAN AN AWFUL, AWFUL, AWFUL PRICE.

2.  BY THOSE GOING IN WITH A MAXIMUM PRICE IN MIND THAT THEY WILL PAY.
"Oh, I want to Stop Ecocide,"  AS LONG AS IT DOES NOT COST ME TOO MUCH!

(This will be the Epitaph of all humanity.  Yes.)

ylb forever, but NOT to be your tormentor, forever 

REPLY-----------------------

yearning and willing are two different words.  diane was willing to sink her boat, but she was not yearning.  It was hard hard to sink that boat.  maybe that was why it was so important.  she loved that boat and sunk it.  We can live life, love life, and still put ourself out there.  That is important i think.  Maybe youre just using the wrong word.  i think there are many many people willing to risk.  you can rest easy if that is the word.  but yearning?  the only ones who might be yearning are religious zealots and ive seen them up close seeing folks raised by them.  those ones with a bible in one hand and a stick of dynamite in the other.  they're yearning for life on the other shore.  aka death.  i think you are very harsh with yourself, Loving. very harsh.  it worries me so.  you are such a good man but you put such tight armor around yourself.  you are a hard man to know!!!! 

------------------- Loving's Reply

Oh Creator, I Love you. I'm sooooo unspeakably grateful for you.  Before, and after,
the day our communication ever ends.  Unconditional - cept, YOU are the condition - your Being.

It is 90% the 'word,' and it has always been this between you and me beloved friend.
You and I are children of the Black Rock, and we've embraced this, every breath,
while others flee it, so tragic.  We are of the same truth, but massively different
background and language.  We must, must, must keep this in mind, every moment
we choose to be in dialog.

I DON'T WANT TO DIE.  I DON'T WANT TO DIE.  I DON'T WANT TO DIE!  I'VE NEVER SAID
ANYTHING MORE TRUE.

ALL I HAVE TO PAY IS MY LIFE TO STOP ECOCIDE, IN TIME - I WANT THAT TO BE ENOUGH TO STOP ECOCIDE.
I'VE NEVER SAID ANYTHING MORE TRUE.

TRUMP DOESN'T WANT TO WORK!  BUT SOMETIMES HE, THE SLIME, HOPES THAT,
YEARNS THAT, IF HE WORKS, PAYS HIS LIFE, HIS TIME, HIS STRENGTH... WITH EVERY OUNCE OF STRENGTH, THAT SOMETHING
HE VALUES MORE WILL COME.

I'm not, NOT, not, trying to win the argument on the word.  Please, PLEASE look
past my word, for what I mean.

YLB, forever, no matter what 

------------ REPLY -------------

well, I just think we're miscommunicating, Loving.  You are yearning for meaning.  I am yearning for meaning too.  That I desire.  that i want.  I  yearn with all my being for meaning.  And I am willing to pay the price to that meaning.  but i am not yearning to pay the price...a little difference. excuse me if i misunderstand, but i feel that you are yearning to pay the price and that is the most meaningful thing.  I am yearning for meaning and willing to pay the price.  some subtlety there somewhere. Maybe that is why you were such a good company owner. you gave your all.  lordy, you are INTENSE!

------------ LOVING's Reply ------------

 
Lordy, I am intense.  Lordy, unlike you???
*=)) rolling on the floor*=)) rolling on the floor *=)) rolling on the floor*=)) rolling on the floor*=)) rolling on the floor*=)) rolling on the floor*=)) rolling on the floor*=)) rolling on the floor

Never again Stoppable Ecocide is intense.

The ONLY THING I HAVE TO PAY WITH THAT MIGHT REMOTELY BE SUFFICIENT, IS MY LIFE. That is true for any of us, ALL OF US,  against the most highly financed, powerful force, ever to be on earth - the fossil fuel industry.

I want to have enough TO PAY THE PRICE.  I what to be enough.  I need to find if there are others, that with whatever words, FEEL, ARE, the same way.

Then, if we can get past the words, to the meaning, we can begin to figure out
how to win, IN TIME, WHICH IS THE SAME THING.

WE WILL NOT FIGURE IT OUT TILL SUCH PEOPLE FIND, OR RECOGNIZE EACH OTHER,
AND PRICE NOT THE ISSUE, WINNING IN TIME IS, AND BEGIN TO SERIOUSLY, COURAGEOUSLY, FEARLESSLY, RELENTLESSLY, BRUTALLY... ASK THE QUESTION NO ONE HAS ASKED, NO ONE IS
ASKING, AND THE ONLY QUESTION THAT CAN STOP ECOCIDE:

What price will it take, by when, in what form by whom, where.... to Stop Ecocide in time???

---- reply ----- 

okay, i will look past your word, but a lot of possible recruits might stumble over that word before they get your message.  ha. ylsxxxx yes no matter what. but lordy!!!!

-------- Loving's Reply -----------

If the dialog is to start, to finally Start, it is exactly that I can't do it myself; need help
on, fall short on... every front, including language, that I even thought of reaching out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


*=)) rolling on the floor




*:( sad
    
 ----------------REPLY --------------

we'll loving i think there are folks with the X that are willing to step out there.  I think the XX movement has the potential.  i think they are fed up and their backs are against the wall.  I dont think there is an enormous bunch of people but i believe there are a few.  i know some guys in XXX that want peace on earth pretty bad and are willing to step our there.  i think--now this is my personal opinion--that you should heal your body, take that damn chemo if you have to--then you need to go to some of these gatherings where you can talk to young people about being courageous and standing up. they need to hear it. hear you. but Death Fasts???  hmmmm.  i will calf rope you and send you on a train to YYY . ha. xxxyls 

-------- Loving's Reply --------------

Oh Creator.  OXYGEN, YOU ARE OXYGEN. Did you just commit?  NO!  But we are talking, about what needs
to be spoken of.

What is central to what I'm saying?  Is it Death Fast?  NO!  Is it Dying?  NO!!!!

WHAT IT IS - WE CANNOT FIND THE ANSWER - HOW TO STOP THIS IN TIME, IF WE
START WITH ANYTHING, ANYTHING, ANYTHING (STATED OR UNSTATED) OFF THE
TABLE!!!!  AND SO FAR, UNSTATED OFF THE TABLE HAS BEEN-

UNSPEAKABLE PRICE

UNSPEAKABLE INCONVENIENCE.

ALL I'M SAYING IS, EVERYTHING HAS TO BE ON THE TABLE FOR THE 1, THE 2, THE 3...
IN DIALOG TO HAVE PRAYER AT 

1. FINDING, AND 

2. SPARKING WHAT UNQUESTIONABLY WOULD BE THE
BIGGEST, MOST IMPOSSIBLE, MOST IMPORTANT MIRACLE IN HUMAN HISTORY.

EVERYTHING MUST BE EXPLICITLY ON THE TABLE FOR THIS.

IT NEVER HAS BEEN.

MAYBE, DO TO YOU, THIS WILL CHANGE.  

---------- REPLY --------

oh that is difficult for you...my goodness.  loving reaching out

--------- Loving's Reply ----------

You are teasing, but in Truth, you will NEVER MEET ANYONE MORE GREEDY FOR
HELP. 

And you will never meet anyone MORE DETERMINED THAT IT BE TRUE, TRUE,
TRUE help.  We are out if time.  I don't care what price, personally, I have to
pay to find the True Help, and out of Love of the Individual, and Humanity,
I can't mis-use a second on those that I SHOULD HAVE HAD THE LOVE,
AND COURAGE, TO RECOGNIZE WEREN'T TRUE HELP.

And What, What, WHAT is the LITMUS???

PLACING EVERYTHING ON THE TABLE - WILLING TO PERSONALLY PAY WHATEVER
PRICE IT TAKES.  YEARNING TO FIND, AND PAY WHATEVER IT TAKES, NOT A
BIT MORE, NOT A BIT LESS, NOT A SECOND LATER THAN IS NEEDED.






*=)) rolling on the floor
   

-------- ANOTHER PARTICIPANT REPLY -------------

 By this time next year - as fast as is humanly possible - we will have 4 million on death fast....

----- Loving's reply -------------

And if and when the right 4, the right 40, are, if soon enough, in the right place, at the right time, on Death Fast... they will spark the next echelon - the Army equivalent sparked by the Marines - Death Fasters the Spark on 1000x as many Hunger Strikers-in-repeating-waves... and they will spark the Millions of Supporters.... AND THEN ECOCIDE STOPS. 

WE DON'T GET TO SET THE TIMEFRAME - IS IT NOW, OR NEVER. 

WE MAY SAY, GEE, I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN, BY NOW, AND IF IT DOES NOT, we may feel good about how well we tried; and ALL OF CREATION WILL FEEL WHAT UNSTOPPABLE HELL ON EARTH FEELS LIKE.

Apollo 13:  FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION, must be our motto, what we live and die by, or Failure is not going to happen.

"Close only counts in horseshoes, and hand-grenades."

------------ ps: About cancer treatment for Loving -----------

ps sis:  Last from the docs when they saw 2 tumors in my liver -

for $30,000 we can take you from 10% chance of seeing year 5,
to 20%. 

for $60,000, chemo plus a liver section surgery, maybe from 10% to
see year five to 30-40%.  MAYBE.

If ecocide is to be stopped - the physics are clear, Creation is clear; Mother Nature, Gaia is clear 
-

30 years ago was too late,
but in 2013 we still have a prayer:

So,

#1.  I'm going to take myself out of battle for 8 of the 8 months left to win?

#2.  EQUALLY IMPOSSIBLE - $60,000 keeps 120,000 kids alive an additional day - $.50 cents per day - FACT.  Huh?  HOW CAN I TAKE A DAY OF LIFE AWAY FROM 120,000 KIDS?  I can't.

"Only the Paranoid Survive," Grove, Founder of Intel.  True, no matter which great agent of change says it.

LOVING u