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3.31.2015

***** SPDF Day 29. URGENT - A fate infintely worse than death by Death Fast... Institutionalization... (detail)

I saw my Dr. this morning to review blood work that was done yesterday.  She was happy to report that after two weeks of taking the potassium bills that she had prescribed my blood is now normal.

She has been my Dr. for three or four years.  She is a graduate of Georgetown University, an elite university, and I have gained huge respect for her technical ability for her character and interpersonal skills.  After she explained the results of my blood tests she expressed a concern with the fact that I was on day 29 of a death fast and willing to take it to the stand.  I take her at her word which was that she was not questioning my mental health.  But she was looking at the gravity of mine stamps and asked if I would be willing on her account to allow a professional associate of hers to evaluate my psychological health so that my Dr. Could have the confidence that she is not overlooking something.  Again, I take her at her word.

The following is my follow-up letter to her.  It should be obvious from the letter that it is clear to me that this evaluation did not go well and that the system, and even this beloved Dr., Are in a position to have a very adverse impact on my work and my life.  This goes with the territory.  It would be a much more horrible and to my life than a simple death from starvation in another month or two.  But it would fulfill, that is, institutionalization, what fulfill the purpose of the death fast which has to sacrifice my life that a Palestinian, even one, might have life in the next 20 years.  This, according to the law of social change, the law of sacrifice, the law of paying the price.

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Dear Doc,

FYI. No reply needed or expected.

I wonder if your kind and instrumental help with my cancer that has enabled me to be functional for so much longer than would otherwise have been possible, I wonder if all your help will just keep me alive for a long time in some institution?  I'm sure that was not your intent but unless care is taken that could theoretically be the result.

You will recall that I left Howard U Hospital after initial treatment because, despite finding the staff there very kind and congenial, I did not find them competent.  You did not disagree, you helped me get to Georgetown, and they seemed to be immensely more competent.

When I come across folks that seem to need expert Medical Care I directs them not to your clinic, but to you personally.  I have experienced some of the other staff, they are very pleasant, for basic medicine I would have no qualms, but for expert care I find you infinitely more competent. I don't know all the staff, Doc X may be to your level, maybe others. 

When you asked me today about mental health issues I found you very competent and your listening very competent. As I told an intern you had me speak to, once, when he asked me what one thing I found most important about your care I said, 'Her listening, her hearing, she deeply hears the entire patient."

Three years ago when I was on a death fast I was hospitalized at G.W.for severe dehydration.  And they administered a psych eval when they heard of my fast.  It went on for probably 45 minutes and I found the psychologist basically competent.  I did not say agreeable, I said competent.  She was substantially listening to, and hearing, what I had to say.

I found the psychologist today surprisingly pleasant throughout, genuinely pleasant at the beginning, very intelligent, and quite incompetent in what is the basis of any useful therapeutic encounter, empathic listening.  Several times she asked me questions that were either intended to be disrespectful, and I do not think this was her intent, but were very disrespectful in that they indicated that she was not at all listening to, hearing, what I said.  I did not say she wasn't agreeing with what I said, as that it's not the point.  She was asking questions but she was not listening to what I said, superficial, shallow, ignoring things that I said, dismissing what I said.  I was pleasant and respectful throughout, but there reached a point, after 20 minutes or so, where I explained to her that it seemed she was not hearing what I said, that if she had so little respect for me and what I had said to that point that I felt we were not using our time well.  And she indicated calmly that it was therefore appropriate to end our session.

I do not need psychological help, I do not want psychological help, I was willing, I remain willing, for your benefit and your benefit alone, to talk to a psychologist, but one that is competent.

FYI, were you to have someone that wanted to evaluate me, I, all of me, is here at these two locations, truly:

Fact, the psychologists of today's America would have infinitely less trouble diagnosing me as insane than they would Abe Lincoln.  Their job is to adjust people to this sick society.  Mine is to change a fundamentally, pathologically, suicidally sick society. I pray you do not help them do this to me, and unless you are careful, it could happen all to easily.

I'm so grateful for all the good you have done me.

I am on your calendar for 8:00 AM on Tuesday for next weeks blood test results.

Your appreciative brother forever, no matter what.  James

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