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9.23.2015

Cancer update. Curious; I began crying during the 35 minutes brain scan just now.....

Cancer update. Curious; I began crying during the 35 minutes brain scan just now...
I was totally fine. My heart rate was 100% normal, I am certain, I was totally relaxed. Why crying? I don't know.

 I think it had to do with this: my chosen way of being is to live the pain of the world, the second by second agony of Palestine, the infinite pain of all creation going forward on writhing planet in death pangs. I don't dwell on that pain. But I keep it at the center of my being at all times because it is the primary informing of what I must do. I think by all objective measures I manage that enormously well. But I keep myself on the edge at all seconds that I am awake.
Have you ever had an MRI? They are overwhelming experiences. It is your head, for 35 minutes, 1 inch away from everything going on in a massive construction site. I had one about 3 years ago when they first detected the cancer, at Howard University. I had forgotten what a severe sensory experience it is.
I think, for a few fleeting seconds, it just overwhelmed me emotionally.
Part of it I'm sure is also the potential distraction and/or delay of my work, this journey around the country in this solar vehicle for Palestine and to stop ecocide. I think part of it too is the profoundly intense emotions that I have felt today in reading President Obama's words today regarding the Pope Francis visit, and the words of Pope Francis, especially those in the homily tonight where he instructed Catholics to stop talking so much and to start living their faith in service to the neediest in humanity more.
Next week and the following week I see a neural opthamologist and my cancer doctor as they try to figure out what's going on in my head that is causing my left eye to go blind.

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