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12.29.2015

Last night was horrible, terrible. An avalanche of nightmares, dreams, images.. anxiety, inferiority , failure, accurate memories... how......

Last night was horrible, terrible.  An avalanche of nightmares, dreams, images.. anxiety, inferiority , failure, accurate memories...  how alien I have always been, what a fool I have always been seen as, so inadequate, so profoundly socially inept, in this Western culture. Agonizing. Debilitating. Only through force of will did I climb out of bed quite sure I would have to return shortly curled up in a fetal position, to try and work my way out of it. After I was up, after an hour or two, I received the gift of a different perspective. My perspective shifted from the scorn, ridicule, contempt... that the world has for me. It shifted to what I imagined the Creator thinks of me and what I do. It shifted to what I imagine Jesus thinks of me and what I do. And then I felt sane again.

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