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2.17.2017

Standing Rock update: the state is immoral resistance is Duty. Non-cooperation with evil is a duty. In creators eyes, the pure morality of my imagination, the land on.......

Standing Rock update: the state is immoral resistance is Duty. Non-cooperation with evil is a duty.

In creators eyes, the pure morality of my imagination, the land on which I am situated was given to human beings, two leggeds,  prior to any colonial forced creation among the Dakota tribe of a western notion of nationhood. Original Dakota Sioux individuals are standing here on this land and have declared those that stand with them sisters and brothers entitled to the to the same land as full sisters and brothers. Yes, this matters not. This Savage state will torment us like evil boys crushing so many bugs.  But I still may find that I'm unwilling to flee this hopeless, completely hopeless Showdown. that I will refuse to cooperate with the evil of the white Colonial settler Empire that has created such comfort and pleasure for me until recent years.

I whip saw between one moment leaving as quickly as possible and the next moment staying. What I have just written above has me staying, for the moment.

I believe that the choice to stay is virtually certain selection of years in Cruel, Savage, evil, satanic prison.

But for the moment I can hold on to the words above.

When the state is immoral resistance is Duty. Non-cooperation with evil is a duty.

This is a most agonizing, anxious, miserable time in my life. It is also probably the closest I have come to understanding what life feels like for billions of my underprivileged sisters and brothers who for decades have been victims of the state violence. I take little comfort in that but I acknowledge it none the less.

By the way, I have learned a new purpose that I am finding helpful, for prayer. Yes, still, I have no illusion that anyone hears the prayer. But when I pray for my expected persecutors, when I pray for those that do evil on purpose or by accident, I find that it creates a positive mental state for me. It is a way of Imagining the world that I want, behavior in that world that I want. And it helps me increase my understanding for and empathy for  those who are so bent on evil . In that it is no more than a psychological survival technique. But it may also prepare me mentally and spiritually as a better instrument for trying to help be a catalyst for others to bend toward good.

I have no hope for a better world. I lost that hope years ago. often I lose my footing and regain that hope but that is a mistake. The Titanic is going down, it hit the iceberg of near total amorality many decades or even centuries ago.

If there were hope in the world then staying here for a showdown, in creators eyes, between the forces of good and the forces of evil, those standing peacefully and prayerfully for a habitable future for our children, standing lovingly, a showdown between people doing that and people driven by Mammon, pure greed and hatred, such showdowns would be instrumental in creating a better future. But I see no hope in this. Not in 2017. If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it it doesn't matter if it makes a sound. It makes no difference.

Earlier today I was momentarily held here by the realization that this is inclusive of people here in this camp that are among the most decent that I have ever encountered. for the moment it had me staying to stand with them. But I don't know what they stand for. We don't talk about it much. Each person has their own reasons.

Incidentally, for the first time in decades I find it difficult if not impossible to imagine a loving creator of us all. Partly, as I try to do so I encounter such a sense of disgust that Creator would have for humans which results in such active disinterest and dissociation that my imagination is unable to go further and find any available love in Creator, which I used to be able to do and have inform my walk. This makes things much more difficult.

I am terrified of the material future that awaits me. Terrified. With all of my Powers, all of my focus, developed over so many years, it takes all of my abilities to put one foot forward in front of the next. Dread does not begin to sum up and I feel about my personal future. I am not proud of this. But I admit it. And make no mistake this is so small, so petty, so selfish on my part. I can barely find the imagination to care about anyone but myself. I'm so sad about this. But so far it's the best I can do. These are very trying times.

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