For me the present, 2017, and the future, is the greatest emergency ever confronting Humanity or all of creation. One might say that the Cuban Missile Crisis was similar, but I disagree. Nuclear war has the Saving Grace of maybe Exterminating everything and eliminating all suffering, near instantaneously, or in just a few years. Unless some impossible Miracle or Miracles are worked now, 2017, radically altering the future, there will be Untold Generations living in material and psychological hell due to the ravages of uncontrolled corporate capitalism, global warming, and fascism.
I live this emergency, the urgency. I make it my business to live this emergency because no where else can I find the motivation, Clarity, guidance I need to control my pitiful, Breath by breath actions, or the intense providing Joy of trying to help.
My first visit to jail was 12 years ago at the Pentagon when I non-violently was protesting the military corporate Empire. It was nothing in retrospect, but it was pretty alarming to me, the jail part, at the time. Even back then that's so urgent I thought it was to try and stop the empire.
The urgency I feel regarding global warming drove me to occupy the Canadian embassy , the hosts of the earth killing tar Sands, for over 400 Days twenty-four hours a day 3 years ago, including a 50-day hunger strike that caused me to be hospitalized. And knowing that it was likely to be fatal, passed on cancer treatment so that I could continue the vigil and hunger strike. yes, it turns out they were able to save me, mostly to the surprise of the doctors when they were able to begin treatment four months late. It had rapidly spread, but not as far as they expected. Nobody should be impressed with this. Nobody was impressed with this though there were a couple of LA Times articles. But I don't do things to impress, I do things to fulfill the dictates of my soul as best they tell me to reduce, possibly reduce, the suffering of my Global family, present and future.
A recent situation has caused me to reflect on my life in a way that I haven't done in many months or probably years, in this particular direction. And what I remember is that I have known, painfully, throughout my adulthood, that the only place that I either fit, or feel fulfilled, is when two things are true:
1. There is by any objective measure an emergency which if not dealt with with impossible speed will cause tremendous suffering to individuals, such as the needless demise of a company or Department, or creation incinerating global warming, or the continuance of the genocide in US/Israeli Palestine....
2. The other element which often is not present even when the first one is, really usually is not present even when the first one is, is at least a core group of people that either Live the truth of the emergency, or that I can gently and quickly help see the truth of the emergency at which point they then live it with every ounce of their strength. The family emergency response, as I have written of for many many years.
When both of those elements are not present I am a fish out of water, a cause of dissension unintentionally but unavoidably, a cause of friction, absolutely miserable, and probably people around me become miserable as well.
I instantly withdraw myself from such situations when I determine that they are not going to be changed. In the late '90's I made such a decision, it in part was influenced by this and cost me roughly $300,000 per year. I didn't hesitate. It is not my purpose in life to cause other people discomfort, quite the opposite, and I am unable to allow even one second of my time, one breath, to not be fully utilized.
This has resulted in me fighting alone , many would see it as my choice, I understand it as a square peg not fitting in a round hole, but either way this has caused me to fight alone for most of the last 15 years, and I suspect this will be true for the rest of my days.