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Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts

12.09.2018

Regarding our cultural yearning for a life partner. Comments to a sister.



A dear young sister shared with me the yearning that she feels to find a loving committed partner:

Those few that ever hear what I have to say must have incredible patience because what a broken record I am. I share this with you not at you but it comes to mind with what you've shared with me. Again.

I remain convinced that we are born to be, the butterfly, the Wagers of loving, for the every breath that we do reward of joy. Not happiness, more likely intense pain, but joy. But for that to transpire it seems that we need enough of a cocoon. I'm not certain of that because it seems to me there are exceptions, young Rachel Corrie for example. But for all practical purposes we need a cocoon throughout our childhood or maybe just for a couple of days. Hard to know.

My dad was that cocoon for me all of my youth.

But once enough of that cocoon has been available only a butterfly in a really sick collection of butterflies succumbs to their insistence that the Cocoon is where they want to be. And all of us are swimming in that sick collection of butterflies. 2018.

More than life itself I was convinced for my first 45 years or so that all I wanted and all I needed to survive, way more than anything else, was to be in a loving partnership. I will never know if that was true for me.

I know that it is not true for me now, and there is no one that seems to have it that I find myself envying. I have to acknowledge that it could be a function of a different hormonal mixture in me now and brain development which was not available earlier. But I see myself of today, 67 years old, in young Rachel Corrie who to my knowledge did not have such a partnership Central in her life. I see myself, my soul, the joyful Part of Me, In Jane Goodall who to my knowledge never had such a partnership Central in her life.

Again, dear sister, this is not directed at you rather you have brought it to my mind to further explore for myself and to share.

5.30.2015

***** Marriage, comments to a young friend. "Above everything else in the world I am....( click for details)...

***** Marriage, comments to a young friend.  "Above everything else in the world am I committed to partnership with this individual as my best possible way of serving the world? Is this what my prospective partner is about as well? " I think that this is pretty close to the species universal question to discern whether the prospective marriage is on the strong foundation or not. It is the intersection of all I've studied and learned from the greats throughout history and my own experiences and observations. Yes, there are few people I know who would agree. Lol. Oh well.

The word 'lust' applies to much more than sex. For nearly all westernized women their drive to marry is 99.99% lust for security, comfort, safety, house, social access, to be loved and cared for, and children for her own gratification. For nearly all westernized men they marry for lust for sex, and to be loved, that is, desired, lusted for, appreciated, served, helped. This is what our sickest of all cultures teaches us. How would we be different?

My point is not that this is bad. I am NOT disparaging. But lust is not the basis for a long term partnership. Lust is not the basis for sustained, lifelong, joy. That would be loving, something of which we no longer understand or appreciate by the time we are in our teams in this sick world. Lusting is about me, for me and my group. Loving is about the well being of others, particularly the neediest on earth.

We are literally created by our DNA for the sole purpose of advancing the well being of the species, which means the well being of the environment, to be good and to be a force for good in the world.

I would wish for the prospective spouse  to ask the question, 'Does this person have the level of integrity, unity with and devotion to humanity, to doing and being good for the world, that I see and admire in the few people throughout history?'

Finally, I think that this question could be profoundly helpful:   ' in essence I am hiring an intimate partner to be as close to me as my skin, or my soul, for the next possibly 60 years. Should I hire this person? Should this person hire me? 60 years from now are we likely to be thrilled with the decision we make today. If not, for this person who I care about, and for me who I care about I should not walk down this aisle, even if it means that I never walk down the aisle. If I am worth marrying by anyone, then I love myself and life enough to serve humanity by myself if that is the best thing to do. And I know that devotion to humanity is my reason for being here, and the only path of infinite joy for any of us. That's how we were created.

11.01.2014

nd. To my young friend faced with the choice between serving humanity and 'marriage:' I made marriage the center of my young life. In this way I TOTALLY FAILED THE WOMAN I MARRIED... AND MYSELF. THAT IS THE WRONG CHOICE... FOR EVERYONE, YET IT IS THE CHOICE WE ARE ALL TAUGHT TO MAKE. HORRIBLE.

nd. To my young friend faced with the choice between serving humanity and 'marriage:'  I made marriage the center of my young life.  In this way I TOTALLY FAILED THE WOMAN I MARRIED... AND MYSELF.  THAT IS THE WRONG CHOICE... FOR EVERYONE, YET IT IS THE CHOICE WE ARE ALL TAUGHT TO MAKE.  HORRIBLE.

1.19.2012

Notes to a brother, dad, husband considering following Christ's, Heart's, Humanity's Radical Call -

His note to me:  
Subject: Country club of the church.
Start,

I seem to be at a place where I have to take action to break away from the country club. I have found an opportunity to try to do the work of Jesus instead of the work of the country club. I am meeting with some people this weekend to talk about this opportunity. I would appreciate your prayers in this  since it will be an uprooting experience for my family. But I have a feeling we're ready for it. I think  the uprooting of our spirits has been going on for some time. The adventure is coming.
 ----------------------------
You are in my prayers, and in my Heart.  Brother, the central question for all of us, but especially for you, a parent, a husband, now is - What is, what IS Life?????????????  Is it pulse?  Or is it BEING HEART, Channeling Love, God, Our Father?

What good is it to have 1, 10, 50, 80 years of pulse, comfort, safety, approval of society, house (you, your wife, your children)... if it costs me, or my child, or my wife 1 second,  one solitary second, of Channeling Our Father, BEING THEREBY IN Our Father?

And brother, with every passing hour I feel that this is the end time, and therefore the end time for your children, your greatest personal responsibility (but NOT your only 'Immediate' Family).  In my dad's generation, how many men weren't torn - do I go and enlist, or do I stay home?  And how many wives, how many children were torn about their dad's going?  Many, I suspect, tho public sentiment was on the side of the dads.

We, WE are going to bring Christ, the Spirit of Love, God, Our Father down to earth now, again, in our Hearts, or it is Armageddon in a host of forms.  THIS is the great battle, dwarfing WWII. And brother, those of us that enlist have given those around us, those closest to us, the chance of Life.  The rest is up to Our Father.  'NO ONE comes to me except that the Father brings him.'  But you'll have done your part - sewn the seed.

Does the responsible person, the medical doctor for example, ignore the wishes of her patient?  No.  BUT DOES SHE LET THEIR DESIRES DICTATE HER ACTIONS? Never.  It is not her's to impose.  But it is her ultimate responsibility to decide for herself how to best serve her patient, in ultimate humility, but she, NEVER her patient(s) must decide what she will offer.  THIS IS WHAT SHE OWES HER PATIENTS.  This is what we owe our spouse, our bio-children more than anything. The rest, is up to Our Father.

Brother, are you going to follow Our Father? Or man?  I tremble with you.

This is our final hour.  If we don't become the prayer of The Miracle, the Channeling of Our Father, Jesus, Christ, none will be Saved, including, especially for you, your bio-children, your wife.  If you do take Our Father's Will as your own, it still will be up to Him the outcome; but only in saying 'Yes' will you have Loved, Served, done your Duty to your wife, and bio-children.  This was Abraham's Divine, Correct choice.  Always the correct choice - Heart/Conscience/Channeling  Our Father.  99.99999999999% of us Sacrifice our Children, KILL our children, our Spouses on the alter of not-conscience, not-God, not-Universal-Family.

You are in my Heart, and Prayers.

Your brother forever, no matter what,

sl

ps:  100% of anything and EVERYTHING I ever share with you or anyone, ever, is what I've had to discover, learn, use to find Life in this Dead world, including -

In all my life I have only three live 'models' of what Godly, Life-giving Parenting looks like - 

1.  The co-captains of the blighted Chester PA Salvation Army whose kids, about 6 (girl) and 11 (boy) were brought up in and around the Salvation Army with all the destitute you can imagine were there.  Thereby they were given little or no chance to imagine the deadliest of all Lies - that we are NOT all 1 Family, especially with and to the least of these.

2.  What I heard in a brief news clip about 4 years ago - maybe you heard too. As I recall it was Haiti, a Fundamentalist US (yuck, usually) family had just had their children returned by hostage takers, unharmed by some miracle.  'You are of course returning to the US, now, right?' the reporter asked.  'No,' the parents replied. 'Our understanding is that Our Father wishes us to stay here in our work.'

3.  MLK Jr, who's bio-fam he kept on death threat, as was he, by staying the course Our Father set for him.  From what I can see, NONE of his bio-children selected Life as his path offered them.  Same with Gandhi's kids.  But that was NEVER under MLK's control, only to make the offer was ever under his control, and I can speak for one non-bio-kid who found Life at long last because of his brother MLK's choice.  Me.

'1 Father.  That makes us all 1 Family.  No double standards - Hypocrisy. GET ON WITH IT.'  This is the ENTIRE, WHOLE, COMPLETE GOOD NEWS.

We are not here to survive.  We are here to Serve.

xx sl

3.19.2011

"'Nuclear Family / Tribal Love' causes our Homelessness." SL

"'Nuclear Family / Tribal Love' causes our Homelessness." SL
 
Windows on SL's Skunk-works:  Start Loving blog, FB StartLoving1, YT StartLoving4, Twitter StartLoving1  <<< GOING DARK MARCH 21 2011


3.18.2011

WP: Slim majority back gay marriage, Post-ABC poll says

"Hetro-sexual lust's billions of times more deadly to Humanity than Gay lusts." SL http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/slim-majority-back-gay-marriage-post-abc-poll-says/2011/03/17/ABhMc7o_story.html
www.washingtonpost.com
A slim majority of Americans now support gay marriage, according to a new Washington Post-ABC News poll. The results underscore the nation's increasingly tolerant views about homosexuals, and parallel a string of recent legal and legislative victories for gay rights advocates.
 
Windows on SL's Skunk-works:  Start Loving blog, FB StartLoving1, YT StartLoving4, Twitter StartLoving1  <<< GOING DARK MARCH 21 2011


"Defining Sex as Love Joins 'Nuclear Family' as the Enders of Civilization." SL

"Defining Sex as Love Joins 'Nuclear Family' as the Enders of Civilization." SL
 
Windows on SL's Skunk-works:  Start Loving blog, FB StartLoving1, YT StartLoving4, Twitter StartLoving1  <<< GOING DARK MARCH 21 2011


"Without 'Nuclear Family,' the Deadliest Selfishness, Our Selfish Lives would be Impossible to Tolerate." SL

"Without 'Nuclear Family,' the Deadliest Selfishness,
Our Selfish Lives would be Impossible to Tolerate." SL
 
Windows on SL's Skunk-works:  Start Loving blog, FB StartLoving1, YT StartLoving4, Twitter StartLoving1  <<< GOING DARK MARCH 21 2011



2.08.2010

"The greatest murderer: The idea that deeply loving a few is normal, healthy, desirable." SL

"The greatest murderer: 
The idea that deeply loving a few
is normal, healthy, desirable."  SL

Our hardware and firmware hasn't evolved significantly in
many 10's of thousands of years.  Evolution just doesn't
happen that fast.  Soooooo, it just never occurred to
mother nature that we would ever be in situations where
everyone we knew didn't love us, and that we didn't love
everyone we saw [in our tribe of 30-50].  Ponder this
a moment; then read on.

The point?  In exactly the same way we are designed to
receive a constant supply of air, and dailly supply of food,
we are designed to love everyone and be loved by all, period.
WE ARE NOT DESIGNED TO WITHSTAND NOT BEING LOVED BY,
AND NOT LOVING EVERYONE WE SEE.  THIS IS MASSIVELY
TOXIC TO US - THIS INDIFFERENCE TO THE VAST MAJORITY,
AND THEIR INDIFFERENCE TO US.  PSYCHOLOGICAL
ASPHYXIATION.

To our ultimate demise as a species, if we don't wake up,
we've made a virtue of this madness!  I don't know that one can
lay it all at Shakespeare's feet, but certainly a large share
can go there, even though he was an unwitting mass murderer.
The idea of romantic love, elevated to other than a mild
curiosity, and its offspring - nuclear family, are evolutionary
madness, and species-wide suicide.

Among those that have studied our hardware on the issue
of Love is Univ. of Chicago's Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi
(he haall yee - chick sent me high) whose studies concluded
that it is NOT our hardware that has us set any boundary on
Loving others finitely - but rather it is a cultural, training
phenomenon.  Decades earlier Abraham Maslow arrived at
the same conclusion.

And this limit we place on Loving is killing us:

1. individually, because more than air and
food, we thrive on Loving others, especially the least of
these in the world, and we psychologically die when we
don't love others, and

2. collectively because war of destruction is entirely the
necessary outcome of NOT loving everyone as one loves
oneself, and one's immediate circle.

12.06.2009

If "Nuclear Family" persists, it is the death knell for us all.

Of the genius Ashley Montague (Princeton, Yale prof) the NYTimes wrote in
the1950's - 'If the world does not embrace his [ideas] we will not make it.'

"Our problem is not the absence of Love.
Our problem is the presence of Tribal Love." 
Ashley Montague

NPR this morning had an hour long segment on robotics - that this is
the age of their proliferation.  It was excruciating to listen to.  Oh yes,
at a younger age for me I'd have been enamored.

Why now sickened, horrified?!  OMG.  #2.  Although Military was never
mentioned, Military OF COURSE will be the initial, primary, dominant use.
BUT, #1 - THE ROBOTS ARE OF, BY AND FOR THE RICH!!!  DUH!!!  US!!!!!!!!!!

"Start, you conspiratorial moron!  Don't you know that they will do things
like help MD's SAVE CHILDRENS LIVES!?!???!?!?"

THIS IS WHERE I GET REALLY, REALLY, REALLY SICK TO MY STOMACH.  THIS IS WHERE I
REALIZE THAT "NUCLEAR FAMILY," "MY" FAMILY, "MY" TOWN, "MY" SCHOOL,
"MY" COMPANY, "MY" COUNTRY, "MY" CHURCH... ARE OUR DEATH.

1.  HOW MANY OF THE 4 BILLION FOLKS EXISTING ON $4 PER DAY WILL THESE
ROBOTS HELP?
2.  HOW MANY OF THEIR CHILDREN WILL THEY SAVE? HOW MANY OF THE 28 MILLION
CHILDREN THAT DIE EVERY YEAR WILL THEY HELP?
3.  HOW MANY WOULD WE LIFT FROM POVERTY, SAVE, IF THE BILLIONS BEING
SPENT ON ROBOTICS, IF THE 10,000'S OF THE WORLD'S BEST MINDS WERE
NOT DISTRACTED BY ROBOTS FOR THE RICH, BUT ELIMINATING POVERTY?????

All given license by  "MY" family, "MY" group....  IF IT WERE OUR FAMILY,
INCLUDING THE 4B IN POVERTY, WE COULDN'T DO THIS!!!!!!!!  OF COURSE
WE'D DEVOTE OURSELVES TO THE POOREST OF OUR FAMILY, THE
4 BILLION!!!!


AND AS LONG AS "NUCLEAR FAMILY" EXISTS, WE NEVER WILL. AND WE WILL
THINK THAT WE DO GOOD, "GOD'S WILL" IN THIS.  I DID.

10.30.2009

"Start, what if you knew that your efforts were of absolutely no hope?"

[[[The paragraphs below were stimulated by my dialog with the
Angel Nancy over this article I shared this morning:  Afghan girls burn themselves to
Afghan girls burn themselves to escape marriage
http://worldblog.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2009/10/29/2112069.aspx
]]]


Nancy,

I'm almost always very upbeat, really.  Yesterday, for a fleeting
moment, the thought entered my mind, "Start, what if you knew
that there was absolutely no hope, that your efforts are of
absolutely zero hope, impact or positive value. What then?
[because at the moment, I correctly realized that this may be true]"

My answer came immediately - "I'd keep doing what I'm doing. 
I don't want the existence of a parasite; I don't want what that feels like. 
I don't want to be evil.  I don't want to live separated from the
Love within me as a brother for all of Humanity born and to be born.
Been there, done that.

I don't want a life of pleasure when I can have the Life of Joy
that comes from Dying for a better world, one with with less
suffering, and more Joy."

Start

2.23.2009

"Disarming and Funny"" How can a "Christian" "leader" be so unlike "Christ?"

WNYC headline: [new NYC Catholic leader] "Timothy Dolan: Disarming and Funny."

Jesus was not "Disarming and Funny."  ML King was not "Disarming and Funny."  Gandhi was not "Disarming and Funny."

"I think that to be Christian you should resemble Christ."  Teresa of Calcutta

"I came not to bring peace but to divide with a sword."  Jesus

"Church is to Jesus what a peep-show is in relation to your marriage partner.  It is what you do INSTEAD of practicing your vows"  Start Loving

"I like your Christ.  I do not like your Christians.  Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."  Gandhi