I've been in pretty massive psychological distress in recent days - if not severe depression, pretty near thereto. Quite the Agony.
I'd be embarrassed, I'd feel a 'failure,' cept, I'm doing the best I know how, in the moment. There are reasons that few, not one in a million, find, walk, or stay on the Path of Joy, Peace of Heart, Loving, Passion... that Jesus died to lead us to! Goodness, am I being reminded of that!
I'm making progress back to that Heavenly Path:
1. I'm devoting Hours in Prayer, Guided Meditation, to refocus from my Fleshly Spirit gone wild, to why I'm here, and why you are here - our Tortured, and soon to-be-Tortured children - the next 200 billion, that have been, Joyfully, the totality of my Spirit, but that I've unwittingly allowed to be stripped OUT of the center of my being, displaced by pitiful "personal" concerns, worries, pain, and the doings of others, even though promising!
2. The Euphoric prospect of Pr. Obama now moving into position to directly fight for our children's future, against Ecocide by Green House Gasses, understandably was, well Euphoric, for me. The problem with that? NOT MY BUSINESS. It is NOT MY BUSINESS what Pr. Obama does. The only thing that EVER is MY business is what I ATTEMPT! And I've been rock solid in that, until recent days.
It is not my business:
A. What Pr. Obama does or does not do, except as that informs how I best attempt to help our 204 billion kids;
B. Whether, where, how, when... I receive chemo, and how severely that destroys my ability to serve during the regimen, except the degree to which I personally can shape that path, which appears to be very little. NOT MY BUSINESS. THE CREATOR'S BUSINESS.
"Full effort is full success!" Gandhi. "We are not called to be successful. We are called to be Faithful." Teresa of Calcutta. "We are not here to survive. We are here to Serve." Loving. :-) All three correct. Maslow spoke of this in terms of "intrinsic motivation." 'Whosoever would hold onto their life shall lose it; and whosoever would Lose their life for the sake of Our Family, shall Gain their Life.' Jesus. In this sickest of all cultures, where Affloholism is our Religion, how hard to remember; how hard to practice; how easy to Fall....
Minding the Father's, the Creator's business is Always a Deadly mistake, regardless of how unintended, and Hell for those that live in Error (Sin, from the Greek) on this point.
I have close to 150 elements I cycle through every week, 100 or so here, like the two points in the prior paragraph, that I've learned, that tho they are almost all restatements of the same truth, any one of which overlooked, forgotten, at the wrong time, can lead to falling off the Path, out of Heaven on Earth... into the Agonies, the Hell of the Fleshly Spirit, with the possibility of never finding the way back (like I couldn't for 30 or more years!) Argh. "The gate is narrow, and few will enter in." Jesus. He wasn't kidding.
But with A and B I feel myself returning to the Kingdom. I suspect I'll be back In, soon. I Pray.